I havent updated in awhile.
Life is delightful. The brit and I are still doing wonderful. We’ve both said things we didnt mean, and meant things we didnt say, but.. I suppose that is relationships. I’m still full of crazy and he’s quite the same.
I wouldnt trade my life the way it is for the world.
Yes. Time for con.
Substantial update on monday, i’m sure.
work is still insane.
boyfriend is still good.
life is still okay.
i will look super cute.
pictures of costume will come soon, i’m sure.
<3
I love listening to you talk. I tell you that a lot, but I can never properly articulate why.
Your face becomes an animation. Your eyes light up with this childish gleam when you’re interested in the things you say. Even when I’m over my head, and I get completely confused by exactly WHAT you’re going on about, I can’t imagine stopping you. I love the way you look when you’re like that. Like theres nothing else in the world as interesting to you as that subject is right now.
You talk with your hands, with your mouth, with every expression that passes (as fleeting-and ever changing-as they are).. You’re always saying more than you mean to, though maybe I read too much into thing. I’m okay with that. I like what I’m reading. You are simply excited about knowledge, about sharing knowledge, and its infectious. The way you babble is (also : entirely fucking endearing) wonderful, because thats a good sign of someone who cares about the things they are talking about. Someone who is sharing themselves, through the things that they say.
Maybe I explained it better this time, maybe I explain it better when you’re in the room but distracted with your own things; when my incessant paranoia and insecurities aren’t picking at my head.. when that silly look doesnt render me speechless.
I wish i would quit posting things while wasted and depressed.
Then I wouldnt have to edit messages.
ha.
I’m going to be purposefully vague, as I know The Brit can read this, and he’s not as public with himself as I am, and I fear crossing a boundry that hasn’t been laid, but I’m sure exists.
He showed up at 4 in the morning. We talked. About a lot of things. A lot of questions he was asked at the party. A lot about the party. I explained my fears and how, though they were much lighter with him, when he shows up at 4am in not the best state, it ignited them. He explained my every fear away. He swore to me that absolutely nothing happened. I believe him. Then we talked more. I answered his questions, at least to the best of my ability.
And I flicked him in the head <3 Thats real adoration right there.
Today leads to hopefully me actually making it down the two floors to the laundry room, and then work. We’ll see if he even wakes before I leave for work. I was going to cook him breakfast, as is our normal set-up in the mornings, but then I realized we ate the last of the breakfast makings yesterday morning, and I didnt go to the store last night because I wasn’t expecting him today. I’m not sure if I feel like going to the store this morning.
I probably will. He’s so damned appreciative.
Listening the the Weakerthans and reminding myself of my completely founded excessive love for them.
Today will be good.
That title really has nothing to do with this post, except that that particular line (from Xenocide) is stuck in my head. Mrm. Interesting.
So throughout the short time of my relationship with The Brit, I’ve been making a conscious effort to be less paranoid about relationshippy things. He is quite attractive. And he has that pretty accent, and he works in public.. Girls hit on him. A Lot. And normally its the kind of thing that would give me doubts. I dislike dating guys that are too attractive, because I’m terribly insecure. I’ve been dealing with it pretty okay. Hit and miss at times, mostly when girls hit on him when I’m quite obviously RIGHT there, but..
So the situation as follows is this : Parties. He’s going to one. I have to work, and as such, cannot attend. There will be copious amounts of drinking (he is not driving, thankfully).. And I’ve been in this situation before. This situation always ends up with a “It just happened” and a lot of tears. And I never really get over betrayals. Ever. I just hate silently, and pick fights and such afterwords.. But with him.. I dont know. I’m a little paranoid about it, but either I’m getting better or I really trust him. Because its not that big of a deal.
Though maybe if i’m posting it here, its a bigger deal for me than I thought. More likely, I’m just using this to deal with it and be completely comfortable with the idea. Because I do trust him. I do know that I wont get that talk tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or ever. It will just be a party he went to.
Its honestly nice to (for once) not be waiting for the next betrayal.
In other news : I bought The Absolute Sandman vol1 today.. I spent a lot of money. A LOT. but it was worth it. It touched my savings, but I dont care. It was worth it. Its amazing. 3 more volumes to go, but at $100 a pop it will take time to get all 4. Oh, and I got a Starcraft II beta key. God its good. I’m fucking giddy.
So to sum up this entry : I’m still a paranoid girl, but I actually trust my boyfriend, and my nerdiness knows no bounds. WIN!
oh the ridiculousness of the things i post when i’m inebriated.
at least i remembered it existed and i’m simply editing over it. <3 though i doo still love this song amazingly.
Seriously though, I am. Why, you may ask, why manic, why are you made of entirely so much win? Isn’t it hard? Does it make like difficult?
Well yes, it is, and it does. And thank you for asking.
I destroyed my computer today. I kept putting off re-downloading avg (read : i totally forgot to download it like a tardbot) and ended up getting hit with something malicious today. Malicious and fast. Within 3 seconds of my computer saying there was something wrong, everything started freaking out. The virus (or whatever it was) was replicating into every file I had open or opened, so I couldnt do anything. I managed to get to a download screen for avg, and then it blue screened. Rebooted it in safe mode, forgetting that it disabled my way to connect to the internet (some other stupid problem with loading in safe-w/networking, blar) — so i text my friend Hawk. He knows computers well. We texted back and forth for a bit, and I know, by this point, that my computer needs to be completely wiped.
Hawk offered to try and pull off my harddrive whatever he could get, but.. Well, although there were some things on there that I sure would LIKE to have.. I was smart and moved almost (ALMOST. i lost all of the shit that i did for this site, which wasn’t much, but still) everything to my external drive a week or so ago to free up space on my computer itself. Now as for whether or not the external drive is corrupted, that i’m going to let Hawk check out for me. The only thing I was really going to lose was photoshop and all of my installed programs. I could handle that. In fact, I had a shiny new copy of windows 7 that I was going to install as soon as I got a bigger drive, anyways.
So I chit-chat with Hawk for a bit, and he reminds me of how to actually boot-from-disk and overwrite everything. So now my computer is fine. But I have nothing. Nothing at all. I lost some of my music (probably a gig or so that hadn’t been moved over to the external yet) and my programs. I dont want to touch my external until I know its safe (it was connected when I got attacked) and I need to find my serials. I know where some of my wow serials are (i think i have original and bc.. but i’m not sure i know where my wotlk serial is. mrm.) but i’m worried i wont find them all. i have to raid tomorrow. this sucks.
At least, its up and functioning, and i’m trying to figure out windows 7. the brit will have to answer any questions i end up with, i think his laptop runs on it as well. And AVG is installed, and i’ll probably pick up search+destroy as well just to hedge my bets. sometimes internet, i hate you.
a real update another time. for now, i shall simply remain win.
I have been for a few days now, actually.. But I’ve been quite busy, and in a rather volatile emotional state for the past bit of time. It may be time to get back on the anti-anxiety meds. Living alone is wreaking havok on my anxiety. When I’m alone I tend to get quite depressed. I’m not used to this at all. I’m not terribly worried about it, but more than anything I dislike the way it makes me react to the people near to me. I apparently went on quite a drunken tirade the other night, and remember none of it. Thankfully, the people I care about tend to forgive my outbursts. I’m lucky. I hope I never forget how lucky I am.
My days have been filled with cooking breakfast for The Brit, attempting to get some packing done at the old house (i have two more days before he throws everything I didnt take with me, out) and the drama has gotten huge. I understand it, I really do, but.. It tends to lead to duress on my part. Instead, I try not to think about it. I try to simply live the life I have now, the life that I am rather fond of, regardless of all the outside world. Work has been much the same as always. Long days, knowing I’m not getting this store. Trying to get too much done in too little time. Its delightful, only.. Not.
I feel like I should have more to say here. And I suppose I do. But I’m feeling much more private as of late. Living a bit too much inside my head, and trying to get away from it.
He writes in florid prose, he hates pandas, draws me monsters, and has a wolf-like grin. He rests his chin on my shoulder when he sleeps, and watches law and order with me ad nauseum. He shows up at all odd hours, sends me sweet text messages, says “zed” instead of “zee” and more than anything.. Appreciates me. I feel like I’m back in high school (well, the way high school is portrayed as far as relationships go).. It is the honeymoon phase, and I am riding high upon that, but I tend to want to leave within the next couple of weeks if that is all there is to it. And I am remarkably happy.
Oh, and Alice in Wonderland was quite bad. Disappointingly so. But we looked divine. Me in my tea-party dress and cute heels, him in all of his dark finery. Met some of his friends, ate rummy bears and was generally awesome. If only the movie was as good as the time I had.
…But not forever!
I got the apartment I was looking at, and I start moving the major things tomorrow. Major things being : bed, dresser, at least a chunk of my clothes, my computer, and some movies. What else this means is : no internet until march 3rd! Thats when it all gets hooked back up again. Until then, I shall be residing in the real world….
Yeah right. I’ll be watching movies, curling up with The Brit and working all the effing time. At least they aren’t making me travel to the busier store anymore. It will be so much nicer to work solely out of one store again. Even if we aren’t sure still exactly what is going to happen with this store. We’ll see, I suppose. I dont think they are going to move me, at least.. They dont seem like they are ready to. Either way, they need a replacement for me first. So it will play out as it plays out.
Moving will be fun. and by fun, i mean hilarious. The person who was supposed to supply the car for the dresser/bed part of the move, has bailed on me. Thankfully, i’m only moving two blocks away, so i’ve enlisted my two best girlfriends to help me move these things on foot. OF COURSE this means we will be drinking heavily after. Vodka is a delightful thing when it comes to needing to move.
I should be packing right now instead of typing.
I seem so sporadic with my text today, and I think its because I am dreadfully excited. Its going to be nice to live on my own, to have entirely my own space. Its giddiness inspiring. I’m almost tempted to go up there tonight except that I would have to sleep on the floor in the silent dark and that would be a bit much for me, I think.
Shit, I need to buy a lamp! well, it has an overhead light that will have to work for now. And I get the 360 and my games for it. sweeeeet.
be well, my hearts. i will be back soon, and hopefully in a less manic (pardon the ‘pun’?) state!
<3